There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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