the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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