it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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