ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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