I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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