Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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