All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we're so committed to being not committed
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