she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize