I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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