Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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