there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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