my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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