Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize