She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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