I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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