if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize