I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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