I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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