none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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