but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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