I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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