It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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