i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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