I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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