Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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