Cold hands, warm shart.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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