How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
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It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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