So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
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I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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