Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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