If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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