she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am spending my child support on dildos
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize