somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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