I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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