While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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