am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize