I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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