Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
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felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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