she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize