it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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