I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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