No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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