btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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