Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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