I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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