i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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