I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize