i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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