Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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