He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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