I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have post one night stand depression
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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